Stay calm because everything doesn't require attention or a reaction. Breathe.

I posted this quote on my Instagram page two weeks ago, not knowing that I would have the opportunity to apply this very quote to my own life. To say my current work situation is challenging at times would be an understatement. Someone in a leadership role took the opportunity to attack my character under the guise of constructive criticism. She said that my silence in meetings can be misconstrued as me being lazy and a person who does not having anything to contribute. This is false on so many levels.

The sad part was (well, the whole situation was sad, but I digress), her words were out of context to the initial conversation and an obvious, albeit feeble attempt to get a reaction from me. Of course, we were conversing over the phone and I didn't have the opportunity to look her in the eyes when she said those things. Then again, who knows if she would have the audacity? Probably not.

It was in this moment that I was able to recognize my personal growth. I chose to stay calm because everything doesn't require attention or a reaction. There was a time when I would have listened to and received her words, allowing them to hurt me. I would have lashed out and defended myself to her, declaring that I am none of those things. I would have wasted time explaining my personality to her. In this case, I was able to breathe and say "Oh, okay." Unbothered. Unmoved.

I was able to breathe for two reasons:

1. I remained calm. Staying calm in this situation allowed me detach myself from the moment and take a good look at what and who I was dealing with. I was interacting with a person who thrives on drama. A person who does not know me and who does not know how to get me to react to her special brand of foolishness. People who thrive on drama cannot stand non-participants. She hates that I don't run to her. She hates that I stay to myself. She hates that I am comfortable in silence. And, she hates that I am confident enough in who I am that I don't try to prove myself to her or anyone else. People who thrive on drama and negativity do not have peace. I was not going to hand over mine.
2. Everything doesn't require attention or a reaction. What she doesn't know is  I do not place value on the unsolicited words and opinions of people who do not matter. She may be in a position of leadership; but in the grand scheme of my life, she does not matter. She offered those words and I chose not to receive them. I don't feel the need to prove my worth to people because I know they can see it. In her case, she was trying to tear me down in order to make herself feel like a wise leader; because not so deep down, she isn't confident in herself. 

In life, there will always be someone who will try to steal your joy and destroy your peace. Be careful. These people come in many forms and the tricky ones hide behind the notion of meaning well. In order to recognize these people, stay calm and remember that everything doesn't require attention or a reaction. The ones who truly mean well by you, don't try to tear you down.

When you can do these things, you will be able to protect your peace and breathe.

Things I have discovered and rediscovered in my 40's

It's 2018 and I will be 42 this year. FORTY-TWO. I have loved and lost (including myself), went through career lows and highs, lost friends, gained new ones, took more risks than I ever would have expected, and risen like a phoenix out of tragedies that some people may not have mentally survived.  As a way of returning to my blog, I want to share 20 things I picked up along the way:

1. I am strong.
2. I am beautiful and it is okay for me to say that out loud...to actual people.
3. I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it.
4. Being a better friend to myself has drawn greater opportunities.
5. Everyone can't go with you.
6. It's okay to say 'no'.
7. I will continue to wear red lipstick, jeans, chucks, glitter, a tutu and anything else I please. I do what I want.
8. I'm not a quitter, but I know when to stop.
9. Everything doesn't require my attention or a reaction.
10. If you don't like something, change it.
11. Anyone who tries to discourage you from doing something they aren't brave enough to do is not worth your joy. Fear is not wisdom.
12.  Listen.
13. Trust your intuition.
14. Fear is a waste of the imagination.
15. I don't want kids and I'm not less of a woman for it. Society cannot and will not determine my worth.
16. It's never too late to try new things.
17. I'm a nerd and that's awesome.
18. Stay calm.
19. Appreciate where you are instead of longing for where you think you should be.
20. Breathe. 

I plan on exploring each of these things and sharing how what these lessons mean to me. I hope you enjoy.

Red Hair

OMG, I dyed my hair. I've always wanted to color my hair but I was worried about drying out my hair and breakage. I also worried about ruining my curl pattern.  But, I've always wanted red hair. Always. I didn't want just any red, I wanted what I like to call PHOENIX RED. I hope you can hear the drama and echo in my voice as you read 'phoenix red'. The last year has been the most challenging and painful; so, by the time I was ready add color to my hair, I felt like a phoenix who had risen from the ashes of turmoil and despair!!! (cue more drama and a slight echo)

I am happy to say that I am 100% obsessed with my hair. New hair means I would have to make a few changes to my routine. I started using Healing + Vitamin E Shampoo and Conditioner, by OGX. (CVS $7.99 ea) and the Renewing Argan Oil of Morocco Intense Moisturizing Treatment, by OGX. (CVS $8.29)

I have to say that I am really impressed with these products. The shampoo cleanses my hair without stripping it and the conditioner leaves my hair incredibly soft. In addition to leaving my hair really soft, the conditioner has excellent slip for detangling. The Argan oil intense moisturizing treatment is a wonderful bonus to the shampoo and conditioner. It promises to restore shine and softness while strengthening your hair. I feel like it's delivering on that promise so far. I love how my hair feels when I'm done washing it and the shine really is incredible.

For styling purposes, I am still in love with Shea Moisture products.

 I apply the Jamaican Black Castor Oil Reparative Leave in Conditioner (Target $10.99) followed by Coconut Hibiscus Curl Style Milk (Target $9.99) and I seal it with coconut oil. Of course, if you don't like coconut oil, feel free to use any oil of your choice. I then let my hair air dry and little manipulation and let the magic happen.

So far, I'm happy with my routine and I am loving my hair.

Random photo, just 'cause I'm feeling myself in this one. lol